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What have you been doing all of your life? Look at you; you're sexy, glamorous, everyone wants you and is constantly telling you how your clothes look so great on you. You probably could have done a thousand model jobs by now if that had been your intention. It's time those good looks got you something besides free drinks and bad come-on lines.

And don't think just because you might be slightly short, or slightly more curvy than the average model you see that there aren't any model jobs out there for someone like you. With modern times we have now come full circle and the world has begun to wake up to the fact that plus-size women do want to look beautiful, and they do buy clothes. There are even model jobs for people who look really jacked up and exceptionally ugly, as companies attempt to use alternative looks to stay on the cutting edge.

So basically, if you're crying about how you don't have any model jobs and they're too hard to find, etc etc, and maybe a little of nobody loves me mixed in there, stop it already. You can be a three hundred pound buck-toothed hag and still get model jobs nowadays, and some places insist on them.